In life we learn that we must sacrifice ourselves and others for happiness it may not be what you wanted at the time but in the long run it is what you needed… Although you wish things could have worked out better, people change and times change. We live in a different society where people do scandalous shit. I see a different light and twist on all things and wish to remove myself from society and just isolate myself. I wish to never form attachments with anyone who will only disappointment me. I know it was just one guy..but still I can’t help but feel resentment towards every guy I meet. It’s just that nature instinct in life and how I feel about everything. I’m emotionally wrecked and drained. I wish myself no more of the nuisance and to live freely. I want to let go of all connections and forget about you.
I can be stubborn when I can’t make up my mind. I can be difficult because I’m hard to figure out at times. I can go overboard with my emotions whenever I overthink and assume things. I can make a big deal out of the most simplest things for the stupidest reasons. I can be annoying to a point where even I find myself annoying. I’m sorry I’m not the easiest person to put up with.
Through my many years of primary school I had many trust issues I never told a single soul who I liked because then it would go blabbing around the whole school when I reached highschool it was all about the gossip Ooooooh! I had trust in many of my friendships and relationships. Til this day I never thought that I would do something so “bad”for someone to not be able to trust me. I’m so appalled by my actions but then again you forgave and moved on and now it affects our rekindling of a friendship. I don’t know what to change or what to do. What I did to you was brought up upon yourself, it’s karma bitch like you said. But honestly I couldn’t care less.. But yeah I’m still in disbelief that you don’t trust me still after all these years of knowing each other, you think I’m that type of person ? Now, go figure. Why do I waste my time with you, you’re not even my worth.
I’m in that cbf mood again. I can’t be bothered with anyone and everything. I just want to be left alone because I’m more peaceful and self soothed but then on the other hand my mind wanders off. These tv series I’m watching aren’t doing enough for me to avoid what I’m feeling or going through I thought avoiding the problem would be better but I guess not. I don’t know why I’m worrying or thinking about it because I already know it’s for the best. I just wished I felt more relieved and content with everything but I’m not.. Probably just going through a phase. I just want to keep myself busy! Possibly by finding a job and focusing on uni. Yeah that’s all hopefully it all goes well, I just want my daily routine to be different now.